


The Fifth Layer

by Beewachan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, M/M, space, why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-09 01:55:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11094480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beewachan/pseuds/Beewachan
Summary: “So, tell me about yourself,” Hoshiumi purred and batted his eyelashes."I like to party."





	The Fifth Layer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thelabours](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelabours/gifts).



> this is what I spend my free time doing

“What is that taste of water that’s, like, _so_ good?”

“I don't fucking know, Hoshiumi. We’re on Mars, and given that I'm a so-called ‘alien,’ I’ve never gotten past licking frozen water and having someone come scrape my purple taste buds off the surface,” Oikawa hissed with just a dash of acerbity.

Hoshiumi frowned at him through the maxiglass of his space suit. “You're supposed to say greetings, earthling.”

“Greetings, lesser being.”

“Isn't it fascinating that we speak the same language?” Hoshiumi beamed and jumped; Oikawa had to grab him by the leg of his ridiculous pink space suit, so he wouldn't float away.

“Yes, yes it is.”

“So, tell me about yourself,” Hoshiumi purred and batted his eyelashes.

“I like to party.”

“So do I!” Hoshiumi began to jump again, but he stopped himself.

An item around to Oikawa’s wrist begins to buzz. “I have to speak to my sister,” Oikawa said, and in an instant an image of a girl with purple skin and pink eyes with slicked back hair and an unfamiliar garment was projected onto Oikawa’s wrist.

“Tooru! When are you coming? I need you to help me get ready, or I'm going to be late! Late to my own nuptialem!”

Oikawa was going to reply, but his sister had hung up her wrist thing.

“She didn't look very happy,” Hoshiumi whistled.

“She's getting married today.”

Hoshiumi screeched. “Congratulations to her!”

Oikawa looked around and saw empty space save for a bar maybe half a kilometer away. In a whisper to himself, he thanked some sort of God that nobody else was around, and Hoshiumi looked at him with fascination.

“Do all humans act like this?”

“Maybe.”

“Hoshiumi, when will your team be back to get us?”

“Like four hours? Maybe five if they're being really slow.”

Begrudgingly, Oikawa sucked in a breath and said, “Would you like to accompany me to my sister’s wedding in the meantime?”

“Would I?! Uh, duh!” Hoshiumi grabbed Oikawa’s hand, and after staring at their joined hands and taking in that this was really happening, Oikawa exhaled and led Hoshiumi to his small spacecraft.

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

“We have to get the cake,” Oikawa said.

“They don't have a cake yet? Isn't the wedding in like, less than an hour?”

“Yes, and it's a long drive, so we’re going to be going a little faster.”

Oikawa hit the gas of his spacecraft, going about 180 kilometers an hour, and Hoshiumi held on for dear life.

“Don't, worry, I'm a safe driver,” Oikawa smiled.

With the hand that wasn't clinging to his seat, Hoshiumi reached into an external pocket of his spacesuit and pulled out a fuschia smartphone. The fingers of his spacesuit had little pads, so they were touch-sensitive.

Screaming in both thrill and horror, Hoshiumi used his little pink padded fingers to open up snapchat, put on the front facing camera, snap a cute selfie, and apply the 182.3km filter. He tried to send it, be he remembered he had no internet and had to save it for the time being.

“Can you stop screaming?” Oikawa asked as he started to slow down a little.

Hoshiumi calmed down for a little bit and snapped a few more selfies with adorable peace signs, and Oikawa joined in on some of them with a wink. Oikawa then exited the vehicle and pulled Hoshiumi out with him.

Oikawa gasped, and his eyes widened once he and Hoshiumi were out the car. “That blue hombre in the bandana has the wedding cake!” He tried his best to whisper.

The dude and his glittery, gold, hooked-earring-wearing posse looked to Oikawa and hissed.

“Excuse me!” He placed an offended hand over his chest. “What have I ever done wrong in my life?”

“Go 182.3kmph in your space craft while there were other people flying alongside us,” Hoshiumi said quietly.

“Shut up!” Oikawa said to him before turning back to the blue and gold guys with the bandanas and the shades and some hooked hands here and there and most importantly, the wedding cake.

“Whaddya want?”

“That cake belongs to me!” Oikawa exclaimed and lunged forward at the alien holding it. “Hoshiumi, attack!”

“I'm not a Pokémon, but okay,” Hoshiumi sighed.

“What the hell is a Pokémon?” Both Oikawa and the thing holding the cake asked as Oikawa was grabbing at its bandana, and wow, its skin was slimy. The blue dude tossed the five-tier wedding cake to one of his friends with the hooked hand.

Hooked Hand screamed as the Hoshiumi head butted him with the glass of his spacesuit, and oh no, the cake was falling.

Oikawa dramatically screamed as he dived for the cake. It reminded him of when he was played volleysphere with his little nephew, and as it was his reflex, he hit the bottom of the cake with the top of his fist in the direction of Hoshiumi.

“Nice buns, hun,” one of the blue dudes said to Oikawa while he was on the ground, and simultaneously, the fifth layer of the cake was flying around in the air. As if that wasn't unfortunate enough, it was flying into Oikawa’s hair.

Hoshiumi stood atop of Hooked Hand’s torso as he caught the other four layers of the cake and repositioned the bride and groom.

“Run to the spacecraft,” Oikawa ordered, and he only whimpered a little as he got up and ran to the flying vehicle with little bits of cake stuck in his hair; the blue ragamuffin with the hooped earrings quickly followed behind, but Oikawa and Hoshiumi were too fast.

They made it to the spacecraft first. Oikawa doesn't lose. He briefly high fived Hoshiumi as the ragamuffin violently knocked on the window.

Oikawa stuck his purple tongue out to the earring-wearer and began to speed away, this time at 216kmph because they were extra running late after the scramble.

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

“I take him to be my lawfully wedded usbandhay!” Oikawa’s sister exclaimed as he and Hoshiumi walked to the outdoor area.

“How sweet,” Hoshiumi whispered.

“Yeah,” Oikawa whispered back, “we got the cake here just on time.”

“I object!” The blue guy with the now torn bandana made an appearance.

“It's too late to make —” The priest was cut off by the sound of a rocket ship landing a meter away from the crowd.

A humanoid in a lavender spacesuit came out from it. “Kourai, Oikawa, we have to go,” he announced.

“Wait!” Oikawa said. He saw his sister starting towards Torn Bandana, and he didn't want to miss this.

“You're ruining my wedding!” She screeched and punched him him the face. He exploded, and red confetti flew about. She took a step towards Tooru, who slowly walked backward. “I just want a hug since you're leaving.”

“Oh.” He hugged his sister and whispered almost inaudibly, “Your cake is kind of ruined, and it’s all the blue guy’s fault. Sorry.”

“What?!” She screamed, and Oikawa was picked up by Hoshiumi and hurriedly carried into the rocketship.

They departed, and Oikawa looked at Hoshiumi. “Hey, you're actually kind of cute.”

Hoshiumi smiled and picked a piece of cake out of Oikawa’s hair. “You too.”


End file.
